i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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