Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just pee around me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
