New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Alive.
So much puke
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
