why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
