True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
