i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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