there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
