She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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