He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
