I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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