i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize