She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
