Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
