i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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