My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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