I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
