HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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