I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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