He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
