i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
