so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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