What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
