Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
