Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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