mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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