i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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