Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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