dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
