Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
