Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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