i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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