my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize