I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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