Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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