im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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