I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
