What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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