i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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