a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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