We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
