You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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