On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
