Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
