I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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