Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
