If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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