I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's great music for shaving your balls
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
