i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
