wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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