i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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