I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He did a backflip because drugs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
