whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
