I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
