I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
