Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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