i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
