its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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