You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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