I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I stole a fireplace last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
