fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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