he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
