I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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