It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
