I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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