He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
