I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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