I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come share oat with me in your robe
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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