I am midnight drunk by noon
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
