He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
