I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
