Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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