I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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