Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
