so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
