I think my vagina is haunted
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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