he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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